More people are emerging from their pandemic cocoons of isolation and round-the-clock pajamas. The thought of dressing up and going out may sound amazing to some but like a nightmare of social anxieties to others. As we gear up for barbeque season and summer holiday parties where there may be unfamiliar faces, here are some tips for dealing with social anxiety to help when entering a room of strangers.

Have a Plan

For those feeling unready for full immersion in social activities, this—now more than ever—is understandable. Try selecting easier events such as smaller gatherings or ones where you know more attendees. If you are not sure you should join in for various reasons, make a game plan. How can you exit if need be? Will you talk to the host(s) earlier in the gathering to ensure you get face time in before becoming overwhelmed? Do you have a “thing” you need to do to excuse yourself from a conversation? Can you suggest the group gets a refill together and then capitalize on the movement to bump into someone else to chat with? Having a plan B and C can help maneuver the hypotheticals and help you feel more at ease.

Realize They Might Not Know Anyone Either

Convince yourself to be a social ambassador. By being willing to start a chat with someone, you may be helping them to overcome their anxiety of not knowing many faces in the crowd, too. Help others make connections (“Debbie, did you know that Jane also worked in the school system?”). By providing them an opportunity to talk to someone instead of checking their phone for the 4^th time in a minute, you make them feel better while also solving the issue of not (yet) knowing faces in the crowd.

Check Your Mental Talk

When people look at you, do you assume they are thinking bad things or good things? Instead of telling yourself that people think you’ve gained weight or picked a strange outfit, assume they are thinking you look like a fun person to meet. That they are excited to get a chance to mingle with you. In reality, you are making it up and either may be true, so why not pick the better version? For bonus points, do the same thing when judging other people at the party. Tell yourself they are interesting and great people. After all, the host must have thought they would be a good addition to the gathering.

Position Yourself Well

If you are planted in the periphery of the party and sitting by yourself, it feels like a bigger approach for someone to come and talk to you or you them. Instead if you are by the “water cooler” or a food spread, there is more action as well as social context to start a conversation (“How’s the chardonnay? Did you try those pastry-puff things yet?”). Also, realize you are giving non-verbal cues to others on your approachability. If you appear welcoming and ready to engage (vs preoccupied by your phone and that a conversation could be interrupting), you also set yourself up for better interactions and an overall better experience.

One of the kindest things I practice regularly at a gathering is adding people to conversations. When standing around and talking, it’s natural for a small circle to form. If you see someone just to the periphery, take a step back and open the circle to both visually and physically welcome them. This does two things. First, you’re providing an easier entry for them vs trying to jump into the conversation while being physically blocked out. Second, you extend a social olive branch to this person who then may feel more personally accepted by you.

Whether you are a natural extrovert or introvert, try some of these tactics at the next gathering. You’ll hopefully enjoy the event more while also making a positive impact of the jovialness of the attendees, some of whom may be more thankful than you know.

If you’d like to work on social anxieties and troubleshoot specific situations (personal, professional, family drama), consider life coaching to help you improve!