Communication Errors: Lessons from Telephone

Communication errors are exemplified with the childhood game telephone. A whispered message travels from one participant to the next until the circle is complete. The author reveals the often-entertaining changes from the original versus the final message. During the game, participants are acutely aware of the issues than can arise including listening errors (whispering is hard to hear among giggles) and speaking errors (like changing words). The game easily entertains with each round as a new, unique error can result in an unexpected output.

Would you be surprised to know these are some of the same communication errors occurring in conversations between two people, no circle required? Without a circle of whispering friends to make it seem obvious, we often don’t realize the alterations made in daily conversations and messages by us or others.

So how do we improve our communication? The first step is to raise internal awareness. Here are two examples of common communication errors.

Listening errors

Picture yourself listening to a friend talk about their recent stresses and general busyness. As they explain work backlog and that nothing is prepared for dinner, you too begin to ponder the mental checklist of things “Still Not Done.” The list is longer than anticipated. Just as you realize you have leftovers so dinner *is* taken care of (win!), you realize your friend has stopped talking. And asked you a question. What? Oh no.

Enter the simplest listening error: The message was provided clearly, but you weren’t paying enough attention.

The good news is the solution can be easy once you realize you are prone to this. Minimize distractions (put down the phone, direct your full attention to the friend) and remain present in the conversation. Practice keeping yourself engaged in conversation vs. allowing your inner thoughts to unintentionally transport you elsewhere.

Translation errors

Let’s say instead the friend mentions how busy she is with her stressful job and relays “You are so lucky you’re never stressed out about work.”

What you may hear is: “You’re lucky you don’t care about your work.” Or worse: “You’re lucky your job isn’t as important/impactful as mine.” However, she may have been complimenting your seemingly better coping strategies for stressful situations. This is a translation error. The right words were heard, but a different meaning was assigned.  

In the simplest message, there are still multiple variables that change interpretations. For instance, with face-to-face conversations, we can rely on non-verbal cues such as body language or changes in behaviors like eye contact. With written messages, ironically the words are crystal clear, but the tone is manufactured by the reader. “What did you do today?” is a simple question, but reads differently if it’s from a best friend vs a productivity-driven boss.

Knowing these ready-made opportunities for errors helps us to combat our assumptions. Remember this whenever we feel part of a hurtful conversation or that we haven’t been understood. This allows you to employ efforts to ensure your exact message is received (like avoid delivering important information if someone is distracted) or the meaning is preserved (“You’re lucky to not be stressed about work. Can you share how you manage stressful days?”).

Improvers, learn more about participating in more effective communication. Connect for a FREE 30-minute consult to help you become exceptional at telephone.