Your Time Is Not “First Come, First Serve”

Recently a friend needed to break plans. Despite having an excellent reason, there was still a hesitancy to cancel because this date was on the books for several weeks. I reassured them that we could find a new date, and I reminded the friend that your time is not first come, first serve.

When there is a major change, we should not feel badly if we have to update plans to accommodate the new circumstances. Here are 3 frequent reasons of why we might neglect to break plans when appropriate.

1. Sense of Duty

For some, a commitment is a commitment and veering from that seems like a blemish on their character. The sense of duty to follow through on confirmed plans might prevent some from feeling free to adjust plans. Additionally, there may be a feeling of guilt to ask someone to find a new available time.

2. Worry It May Reflect on Us

We all know “flaky” people who cancel last minute and reschedule many times before following through. No one wants to be considered a flake, but life changes and so can plans. While we can strive to be consistent with commitments, needing to reprioritize is different than opting out.      

3. Impact on Friendships

No one wants to feel like a backup plan. If you’ve ever been canceled on and felt undervalued in a friendship, you may find yourself moving forward with plans to avoid a friend feeling slighted. Likewise, perhaps you worry about sharing your reason for cancelling. If you have to cancel because of work and this friend disapproves of your work-life balance, you might choose to avoid the conversation.

What Can We Do?

Encouraging open communication in relationships helps in many facets. Although you can give a reason for breaking plans, you are not obliged. As relationships mature, there is an understood trust and history of reliability.  Good friends are good friends and should not judge reasons, but rather accept that changes happen. A cancellation should not translate into a personal slight.

If you must cancel, try to adjust sooner than later. If cancellation frequency may cause a rift, try to openly address this with your friend. You might consider scheduling as “tentative” or make plans that are less time consuming. For example, a video chat might be easier to schedule and keep versus meeting for a meal.  

Ultimately, things change and the value of a relationship should not rest on maintaining a “first come, first serve” schedule. Need help renegotiating your priorities or bolstering a relationship that may suffer from intermittent plan changes? Use a life coach to help you navigate toward more assured relationships and improved schedule management.