Negotiate like a 6-year old

Watching a 6-year old “negotiate” is an inspiring scene as long as you are not the opponent. As a child interacts with a caregiver, it’s impressive to see how often they convince others to bend to their will. Trying to reason with a little one when they have a differing agenda can often been more tactical than one might give it credit. Anyone who has regular interaction with children can attest that being outmaneuvered happens. Ever think about why they are so successful? Here’s some lessons we can learn from a 6-year old about negotiating to get your way.

Don’t Accept “No” as the Final Word

Sometimes, a child will just keep repeating the same question for long enough (“Can we pleeeease get a dog?”) that the simple tactic of repetition can wear through a “no” and change to a consideration or ultimately a yes.

Additionally, if trying to circumvent a no, often a child will try switch things up. They might change what is being requested: “Can I have ice cream? What about frozen yogurt? How about a frozen ice made of fruit juice?” Or they change the circumstance of the request: “Can we go to the park now? After lunch? Tomorrow? Next time it’s warm out?”

Ask Why

As anyone who eventually used “Because I said so” can attest, if you tell younglings “no” they will pepper you with follow-up questions. When hearing the “why” behind the no, this can lead to further “discussion” and questions where the child may vary options or barter to find a way to make it work in their favor.  

Throw a Tantrum/Be Endearing

While a tantrum should be reserved for special occasions, making it obvious that you are displeased with something through visual cues and moodiness can have an effect. It may not always work as well as it does for a small child, as this behavior is generally unbecoming for all. Keep in mind, sometimes tantrums work but other times come with penalties.

The inverse to the tantrum is the so so super cute version of the 6-year old who’s angling for something. Being endearing, such as pitching in (i.e. helping with clean-up without being asked) or saying supportive things (i.e. “You’re the best, mom!”), can earn a lot of latitude.

Compare to Others (Grandma Lets Me!)

Setting the pretense that a behavior is normal under a different circumstance can be helpful to encourage permission that is being withheld in a similar circumstance. Using normalization or showing that others may make a different decision might appeal to the “social currency” aspect of knowing what others find acceptable.

Be Unwilling to Compromise

Ever watch a kid that’s been told no pretend they didn’t hear OR smile in your face while they continue anyways? While this tactic often fails, there can be moments of weakness when the brute force of continuing without permission may allow for some latitude. This is especially helpful if you have the upper hand—like when you tell a child it’s REALLY important to behave and they reap the benefit of knowing you won’t yell in public.

How can you use negotiation tactics modeled by a 6-year old in your persuasive efforts? With some adaptations for adult scenarios, we can learn a lot from a 6-year old with an agenda.