Ending a Bad Relationship Is a Gift

I remember listening to someone brag about how in all of their relationships, they had always been the dumper and never the dumpee. To hear them explain it was like listening to a recollection of earning a badge of honor. Like this somehow molded their identity and made them superior. And sure, for anyone who has been on the receiving end of the “It’s Not You It’s Me” speech, it might seem like it’s the better role. But ultimately ending a bad relationship is a gift no matter which person wrapped it up for the other.

For those in the “Time is precious” and “You only have one life to live” mind frames, you can stop reading. You already know what will be discussed here. For those that can’t fathom how a broken relationship, divorce even, could be anything but awful, I offer you these words from Ann Landers:

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

Ann Landers

Good Relationships Don’t End In a Breakup

Becoming clearer? Good relationships don’t end because, well, they are good. “Other” types of relationships end. This does not assign fault. And if you’re looking for unsolicited advice: Don’t waste your time on finding fault. It won’t make the outcome different. Instead, use the break to reflect on what was good, what broke down along the way, and how to make a better match in the next endeavor.

Did you find yourself editing your personality? Did you dominate all the decisions? Were you supportive and respectful of each other despite differing opinions? How can you make sure the next relationship has a better foundation?

Could Have Seen That Coming: Predict Your Breakup

Enter relationship expert, John Gottman, who’s claim to fame is predicting divorce with greater than 90% accuracy. Through observation of relationships and communication styles, he and his team identified 4 indicators of relationship failures—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling–referred to as the Four Horsemen. An informative video explains how response to conflict—like the using the 4 indicators—is responsible for derailing a relationship rather than the topic of conflict. Knowing this, the key is to exchange damaging habits for better communication options as well as reduce communication errors.

If you are going through a post-breakup period, you have permission to be sad, angry, and numb while you grieve. But once you want to move beyond the acute hurt of a failed relationship, keep these tips in mind. If you need help with transitioning from hurt and grief, use a free consult session and take the next step towards healing.